Love First by Jeff Jay & Debra Jay

Author:Jeff Jay & Debra Jay
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hazelden Publishing
Published: 2021-04-27T00:00:00+00:00

37 Writing Your Bottom Line

When an intervention is well planned and executed, about 85 percent of people being asked to accept help will enter treatment the same day. This leaves 15 percent who refuse to accept help that day and instead choose to continue drinking or using other drugs. When addicts or alcoholics refuse to accept their loved ones’ invitation, each member of the recovery team proceeds to describe the ways they will refuse to continue enabling the addiction. We call these statements bottom lines. Bottom lines are not punitive. They are the things we will no longer do to unwittingly support addiction and the ways we are going to take care of ourselves. During most Love First interventions, we almost never have to use bottom lines, but thinking them through, writing them out, and rehearsing them aloud is an essential part of every well-prepared intervention.

Every member of the recovery team will have a bottom line. You are ready to write your bottom line if you did two things earlier in the book: (1) identified ways you’ve enabled the alcoholic in the past and (2) identified any leverage you may have. If you haven’t yet done these things, turn back to part 2. The decision to discontinue an enabling behavior is the definition of your bottom line.

If you go to part 6 in this book, you will find examples of bottom lines. Use these examples to help you brainstorm as you plan what you will write. Once you know what your bottom line is, write it on its own piece of paper. Bottom lines are never written on the same page as your intervention letter.

Here are six points to help you compose your bottom lines:

Acknowledge one or two ways you unwittingly enabled or ignored the disease (if you did) and voice any regrets you may have. You may even make an apology.

Make a vow to stop all enabling behaviors. State any consequences that will follow your decision.

Commit yourself to recovery. State the ways you will engage in family recovery, including getting support for yourself.

Briefly restate your love and concern. Also, succinctly reaffirm your belief in your addicted loved one and your hope for the future.

Promise to help your loved one in whatever way you can when he decides to get help.

End by again inviting your loved one to go to treatment: Won’t you please accept the help we’re offering you today?

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